By Penny du Toit
Everybody who is interested in growing in business or their careers, follow courses, inspirational remarks, share hashtags and try to showcase their abilities for the world to see. They are aspiring leaders and they want to become great leaders. We sometimes forget about the importance of these leadership qualities that portray our being.
“People don’t follow people, they follow the message first, then the person.”
Eric Berne warned us against these tantrums when he presented Transactional Analysis to the world. Did the world need a wake-up call when Trump was elected? For sure! People want to be reminded that there is a firm hand needed to guide and reprimand regularly. Ultimately we need to understand, when the world starts behaving like a child, it needs the parent to threaten and rebuke them. This is how Trump has ruled his presidency, and to be quite frank, I remember the interview when the first Covid case in the US hit, he acted like an adult and said that there were no worries we have it under control. He brought calm in the midst of a panic.
The conspiracy theorists had other ideas, false info to find conspiracy and a hunger to drive fear. What do we do? We have a choice, we can test the theory, get information regarding it and act adults, but no, we fight each other on the word of a conspiracy theorist and we divide as a community. We all become children and throw tantrums if we don’t believe the same as the other.
Then we get to the keyboard warriors. They leave opinions, retweet and repost on social media platforms what others are saying, sometimes not even verified or properly read by themselves and so we get into an argumentative state on social media. People hide behind their screens and never get out and stand for something.
Find out where you are going, say it out loud, make it clear and drive your message! People will follow your message if they believe you.
We need to take a hard and honest look in the mirror and decide what and who we are going to be. We cannot drive the message people to need to hear and we are reluctant to change ourselves. If you do not care about being the example, then don’t bother. I don’t want to hear. We have really bad examples out there these days, our society has gone up in smoke, hallucinogens are becoming more and more legal, we are more pro-choice than pro-life. Where will this end? Can we leave society to have so-called stupid freedom? Free from what? Take a look in the mirror and ask yourself this. Do I want my baby boy or teenage daughter to be like me? Is this the leader I have become?
We lack proper values in our society today. If we don’t like Peter, we convene the masses to protest. This is what a child does. Throws a tantrum. If we don’t like what John said, then we boycott his firm and all of the businesses doing business with him or her. Do you want freedom? There is your freedom; buy where you want, stop where you want, but don’t make your message detrimental to society’s values. Remember, your poor aunt works at that shop that your riotous boycott wants to close down. If you want to fight for something this year, fight with me for a value system in a society that will make us useful and motivated. Years ago my mother taught me from of the Bible;
“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.” Mathew 7:6
Be careful who you share your message with. The right people will follow you, the wrong people will try to destroy you. Drive a message worth driving, the right people will follow you. You will be able to surround yourself with people who are working towards the same vision, thus creating a better society and environment around you. Don’t forget that there are good people who fail in hard times too. I was born into a low income-family. I chose to change the way I see the world.
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What is your message going to be? Who are you going to tell?
How do we get people to understand the importance of our message and the fact that our society must change? We start by mentoring the people that follow the message. We teach them the skills we have, and we drive the message by mentoring them in our ways.
Mentorship is defined by Merriam Webster as “a trusted counsellor or guide”. I agree, but there is a formula for this mentorship. This formula which I laid out on TEDx in Swakopmund in 2017 consists of the ability to allow for the failures that come and stand back so that the mentee can see the mistakes and fix it. If we teach only, we cannot allow for failures, so we need to stand back and allow for self-reflection. When the mentee goes off track we can always jump in and assist. For us to allow for failure to take place we are going to have to put the energy and time into the mentee. If you are too busy, don’t take on mentees, they will be better off without you if you don’t take the time to spend with them.
A relationship between two people is a commitment to communicate. If that is broken, there is no relationship. Commit to communicate with your mentee. That is how you build a relationship. This communication must be on a regular basis. If this is once a week, so be it. if it is once a month then also good. As a leader you have to commit the time and the energy for your mentee
“A relationship is the commitment to communicate” – Penny du Toit 2016
The three things to remember if you want to become a great leader.
- Tell the world what your message is. People don’t follow people. They follow the message.
- Take a hard look in the mirror and become honest with yourself. What are your real values?
- Get people to want to be like you. Duplicate yourself in them by means of mentorship.
Stick to your true self. Don’t change because the world or people want you to change. Drive the message!